QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Your opportunity to ask about issues that are worrying you and let us give you some help and support.

Q.

I have a long term relationship which is not going anywhere. My partner is totally wrapped up in his own life and leaves me to get on with mine. We have two young children but he takes very little interest in them though he does work and gives me and the kids enough money. If I ask him to help out or do 'family' stuff we end up having a row. He shouts at me and the kids and we all end up crying, then he walks out so I get scared about him coming home and starting all over again.

I want to know how can I improve this situation or should I just leave him and give myself the opportunity to find a new man to love me and my children.

JP Cheltenham

A.

There is no easy answer or solution as you will no doubt realise. If there had been you would have already done something!

You say very little about how this situation is making you 'feel', I reckon you must be feeling lonely and isolated, it's also clear that your personal communications have broken down and it appears that you are having a tough time just talking to each other.

One thing to try is to change the way you think about 'him', remember why you set up home together in the first place, I am sure it was because you were in love with him, so try to get that feeling back.

The more love you can 'send out' the more love you get back. Don't forget that the love that you have for your children is different and does not mean you have less to give your man.

I do a considerable amount of work on relationship issues so maybe you would like to see me and we can talk more. In this situation EFT would enable you to function without fear and you would be free of the emotional pain that his anger engenders, in this way you would be empowered to make decisions and talk to him in a way in which he may be able to respond in a more loving manner.

Diane

What happens to a woman in this situation?  First she feels frustrated that her husband isn't living up to her expectations of how a husband should be. She begins to feel lonely and emotionally bereft, which makes her feel sorry for herself and can result in whining and nagging. (Not a good tactic.) When she feels that her lover no longer seems to love coming home to her, frustration turns to an inner volcano that can surface in irrational outbursts of anger that only result in an escalation of conflict, accusations and blame. Whatever rings true for you, realise that this is just part of learning how to relate and communicate your inner feelings without the emotional stress.**

The good news is that you can do something about it. There are techniques you can learn to calm down your emotional turmoil and feel for your husband as well as yourself. Maybe he is bottling up his own feelings; the stresses and strains of work as well as the mounting responsibility of providing for a wife and family! I'm sure a lot of men don't stop to think about how much of an effort this can be before falling into personal relationships!

      ** Wouldn't it be great if these lessons were taught at school?  They should be part of the 4 R's... Reading, 'Riting , 'Rithmetic and Relating! However, we at WHO2 can provide all the information and training you need to change the way you relate.

Patricia

If you would like to pose a question for this page, please email coach@who2.co.uk and we will do our best to help.

EFT and Coaching in Gloucestershire and North Wales